Classified
(listen in player)
I were looking for a new love
in the local classified
and there she was, in column 3,
“G.S.O.H., blue eyed,
enjoys most sports and dining out
as well as quiet nights at home”
and when added to her statistical merits
well, I simply had to phone,
so I left my message after the bleep
saying “I’m looking for a blonde
and although our interests differ slightly,
I’m still sure that you’ll be fond
of my superior sexual prowess
and my muscular physique
and my more than average middle wicket
that’s been known to make girls weak
but, for now, I’ve got a crowd waiting
so I’ll really have to go,
but just make sure you get in touch
an’ I’ll make your juices flow”.

Well I waited with anticipation
and several days went by
and then came this scented envelope
and enclosed was her reply
which, I can’t repeat in public
but, believe me when I say
that to read it was an education
and now I only pray
that, she never traces my address
‘cos, it’s a bit beyond a joke,
when ‘Chris’ who’s wearing ‘Double Ds’
turns out to be a bloke!